Black Diamond Self-Talk

Sunday, November 15, 2009

MLM lessons

MLM lessons learned the hard way. First-hand, hard-nosed and stubborn, we let our emotions rule our decision-making, instead of our head. Short-cuts offered for free.

Most of us involved in Network or Multi-Level-Marketing (MLM) got swept up in the emotion-invoking hype of the presentation. We became excited and explored the possibilities of a dream lifestyle. We reacquainted ourselves with our inner child, again. Hopeful and enthusiastic, we followed the instructions of those leading us. The people that invited us to the presentation showed us that they were following in the footsteps of those who had come before them and had been successful. It worked for them, so, if we duplicate the process they used, that promise stokes the fire of the excitement that we too can be successful.

But is hasn't exactly worked out that way. Our dream is still there, but it remains elusive, and somehow out of reach of any reasonable tomorrow.

We think. "What is wrong with me"? They are not really any different than me. Why have I not had the success they have had? Why do they tell me that my dream isn't big enough?

Maybe the problem isn't with me after all?

Is the problem with them? Maybe, they are good at presenting and instructing us on their system, but they don't really understand how it really works? They know the steps. Like any song or rhyme we like, we learn it and are able to act like parrots, repeating it endlessly, over and over again.

But we didn't learn why. Maybe, somewhere in between all of the hype, facts and figures, there was the answer? No one was there to point it out to us.

Whose fault is that? We took ownership when we thought it was something that was wrong with us. Is it just easier to think that there is something wrong with us, that cannot be fixed and is beyond our control, so it is then okay?

If the problem is with them, then we don't have ownership of it either.

The problem is that we need to take ownership. It's not our fault. We are perfect, just the way we are.

We need to ask why, again. We need to find the person who can answer the question. We need to stop accepting that the situation is out of our control, and take action.

We get nothing for nothing. We have to invest whatever resources we have at our disposal.

Two assets we all have, that are priceless. They have a value that is beyond any measure. Our time and our thoughts are our most valuable assets. We need to take back control.

After having struggled for many years in the promise of others' direction and control, I became involved with a group of people who are not only genuinely interested in pursuing this idea of personal control and accountability, but they are actively helping others do the same.

If you are interested in learning more about this group, please don't hesitate to contact me, or, visit my web site, and explore the links.

Your servant,

Tony Koker

"Success in 10 Steps" can be found on our web site:

MLM mistakes

Are mistakes bad? Are mistakes equivalent to failures? Certainly success will not be realized if all we experience is failures. If we are afraid of making mistakes, or having failures, and we don't act, then that too will prevent us from achieving success. Can we do it alone? Or, do we need help? If we share the thoughts, ideas and experiences of others, especially share with those who have achieved some greater level of success than we have, and, they are willing to explain why and show us how, then together we can all improve.

MLM mistakes are especially heart-felt, since we've rekindled our desires and excitement for a better lifestyle. We don't want to make mistakes and ruin our chance.

Maybe, deep down inside, somewhere, we feel we don't really deserve success. Do we inadvertently find important things to do, like organizing that stack of old junk-mail, or email in box, or just one more text message, instead of focusing on the tasks we should be doing, but that somehow scare us?

Are we letting our emotions do the driving, instead of our thoughts? Shouldn't we be thinking things through, at least a little bit, and forming a plan of action, first? Our task would then be clear. We just need to work the next step in our plan.

Do emotions still get in our way? Yes they do. How do we feel? Why do we feel this way? What is causing us to have these emotions? Was it something we just heard on TV? Did someone just cut us off on the road? Are we trying to get too much done, in too short a period of time?

Olympic champions practice for hours and hours every day. Do you think they practice a mistake they've made? Or, do they find a way to slowly, carefully and progressive make corrections and adjust?

We all have only 24 hours in a day. And, in the day we have, only so many moments to make decisions, and takes those steps of action. The more deliberate and focused we are, the more sure-footed we will be.

But, we cannot do it alone. We will imitate a dog, chasing it's tail. We need an outside anchor, friend and mentor. Better yet, a group of differing personalities, openly and honestly sharing with one another.

I am ecstatic that I have found such a group. We bare our soles, without being judged. We strive for self-discovery through mutual brain-storming sessions, seeking those subtle, yet awe-inspiring "AHA!" moments. We experience joy and laughter, tears, goosebumps and chills down our spines.

Please join us, so that together we can be even more.

Your faithful servant,

Tony Koker

Mentoring for Free link can be found on this site: http://

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Thoughts a second and negative emotions

How many thoughts a second do you think we have? When we are excited, perhaps we have hundreds of thoughts a second. When we are calm does it slow down to three or four? Do these thoughts contribute to a decision right now? Do we have to choose right now? Can we wait?

Black-and-white, and clear-cut, undeniable choices, or are some not so concrete, and more of a grey-area ilk?

How do we feel about all of that? Is this even separate from the process? Are not our feelings the seasoning that makes our thoughts less than black-and-white?

Are our most memorable thoughts and events those that are associated with the most intense emotions?

What about the more mundane, day-to-day challenge - are we deciding based upon positive feelings, and goal-oriented outcomes? How do we evaluate if this little, single thought, and decision is even pointed in the correct direction?

Did we sit down, previously, and make a to-do list? Did we anticipate all possible thoughts we would have today? Or, are we stuck in analysis paralysis?

If we use our emotions as a guide, can we wade through even the most thought-filled second and accept and reject the correct thoughts?

The positive emotions, if used in this way, can at least leverage our experience and favor better outcomes:

Desire, faith, love, sex, enthusiasm, romance, and hope (also, maybe, prosperity and gratitiude).

The negative emotions:

Fear, jealousy, hatred, revenge, greed, superstition, and anger (also maybe lack).

The negative emotions seem to help us avoid punishments or loss.

The positive emotions seem to reinforce rewards.

The negative emotions, should first be identified, then rejected, or, overpowered with some anchor we've built in our tool-belt, based on one or more positive emotions.

Your faithful servant.